A Typical Fratteberry Facebook Chat Session

Thanks to Mary for being the coolest FB chatter in the history of mankind (besides me of course)

Scott

sup

9:07pm

Mary

hey homie

whatcha doin

9:07pm

Scott

studying for math

wbu

9:08pm

Mary

workin on a speech

9:08pm

Scott

that sucks

whats it about\

9:08pm

Mary

persuasive speech

about als disease

9:08pm

Scott

nice

9:08pm

Mary

yepp hows ku goin

9:08pmScott

pretty good

weather finally got nice about 2 or 3 weeks ago

hows TX

9:09pm

Mary

yeah thats what i heard

tx is awesome

9:09pm

Scott

YEHA!?!

9:09pm

Mary

sad i have to leave it soon

9:09pmScott

yeah that sucks

9:09pm

Mary

buuut ill get to see all you lovely people

9:09pm

Scott

but then you get to come home

yes

us lovely ones

lovely like me

9:09pm

Mary

mhmm

yess

whoa dude scott just checked your profile

you have a gf!??

9:10pm

Scott

haha no

shes my friend

9:10pm

Mary

who is alexa

yeahh sure

9:10pmScott

haha

she is

9:10pm

Mary

"friend"

fuck friend?

shower friend?

9:10pm

Scott

lol

9:11pm

Mary

hj friend?

9:11pmScott

no thats u

9:11pm

Mary

ah ok how come yall are in a fb relationship

yeah true im your hj friend

hjf4L

9:11pm

Scott

idk we just are?

9:11pm

Mary

youre lying

9:11pm

Scott

haha no im not

9:27pm

Mary

so alexas really just a friend? haha

9:27pm

Scott

yes lol

9:28pm

Mary

hah ok i believe you

9:28pm

Scott

people say were the exact same

9:28pm

Mary

hah thats funny

idk its not very fun to date yourself

9:29pm

Scott

uhh itd be pretty fun to date myself i think

9:29pm

Mary

hahhaha

narcissist

9:29pm

Scott

especially if it was just an exact copy of me but with a vag

9:29pm

Mary

bet you get off just thinking about that

9:30pm

Scott

yeah im cleaning up right now bc i just thought of it

9:30pm

Mary

ya get that sock out

9:30pm

Scott

all i have is a paper towel SHIT

not very absorbant

9:30pm

Mary

go grab one of tys socks

9:30pm

Scott

thats just brutal

but has been done before

not to ty though

9:31pm

Mary

i give you permission

well thats good for him i guess

9:31pm

Scott

idk it depends on how u look at it

9:31pm

Mary

guess so

idk tys are probably all used up anyways

so id go for the paper towel

9:32pm

Scott

haaha

9:33pm

Scott

yeah all the anal with ty is just killing me

9:33pm

Mary

yeah you have to build up a tolerance

just like alcohol

9:33pm

Scott

or an extra layer of skin

9:33pm

Mary

that too

eventually youre so callused it doesnt matter

9:34pm

Scott

yeah but i dont want my dick to be just scar tissure

tissue

9:34pm

Mary

idk itll be harder that way..

9:35pm

Scott

yeah thats one way to look at it

9:41pm
Scott

that situation just inspired me

lets play some would you rathers

9:41pm

Mary

YES i love this game

9:42pm

Scott

would you rather have sex with kempin or hang out with JM in a room for 24 hours

9:42pm

Mary

omg

umm

jm

9:42pm

Scott

wow

ur turn

9:42pm

Mary

i hate kempin

9:43pm

Scott

think of one

9:43pm

Mary

umm would you rather.. makeout with dylan or jm

9:43pm

Scott

hahaa

i would have sex with dylan before i hugged jm

9:44pm

Mary

hahahah

damn thats strong passion

9:44pm

Scott

would you rather use a can of pepsi as a dildo or hook up with jm

9:45pmMary

pepsi

hands down

9:45pm

Scott

haha

you probly do that anyway what was i thinking

9:45pm

Mary

yeah you know me

got nothin better to do in tx

pepsi is so available

would you rather blow setter or fuck an AGD

9:46pm

Scott

fuck an agd

there could be a diamond in the rough

9:46pm

Mary

good point

but what if they were all caroline godfreys

9:47pm

Scott

uhh

uhh

are paper bags available?

or blindfolds for me?

9:48pm

Mary

nope

9:48pm

Scott

eff

9:48pm

Mary

grass is lookin greener on the setter side at this point

9:48pm

Scott

idk maybe if i had a deece whiskey orange soda

9:49pm

Mary

fair enough

9:49pm

Scott

would you rather shove a pinapple up your vag or piss out a grape

9:50pm

Mary

hahaha

how do you think of this shit scott

9:50pm

Scott

i only think of what ive already experience

d

9:50pm

Mary

hahahha

9:50pm

Scott

i neeed a verdict

9:51pm

Mary

i think id have to go with the grape

bc after you've fucked a pineapple

sex would be impossible with any human being

even the black ones

9:52pm

Scott

hmm

sorta like birth

9:52pm

Mary

yeah but they sew you up after that

what am i gonnna do

plus pineapples are prickly

not pretty

9:53pm

Scott

so is shaved pubes

9:53pm

Mary

hahahha

thats why you get it laser removed

9:54pm

Scott

is that what youve done?

9:54pm

Mary

hah not yet but i am going to

9:54pm

Scott

can i be the laser guy?

9:54pm

Mary

hahahha

im sure youd do a really great job

9:55pm

Scott

then u can give me a dece hj as payment

9:55pm

Mary

there yah go

9:55pm

Scott

perfect

9:55pm

Mary

seems fair to me

9:55pm

Scott

i know what to major in now

9:55pm

Mary

hah yeah you better get certified

if you want to get paid in hjs in the near future

9:56pm

Scott

is that like reverse prostitution>?

idk

9:56pm

Mary

yes! exactly like that

nice description

9:56pm

Scott

ill be here all day thanks

9:57pm

Mary

nice work

hjs are great payment it should be legal

9:58pm

Scott

i agree

9:58pm

Mary

although some guys hate them

9:58pm

Scott

well they kind of suck

9:58pm

Mary

hahahah

well you can do it yourself

9:58pm

Scott

yeah

exactly

9:58pm

Mary

so its basically just when the girl wont give you head

but head is so slutty

9:58pm

Scott

omg i know i cant stand sluts

9:59pm

Mary

hahahh

you guys like them

but you wouldnt want to date a girl who gave head to tons of guys

9:59pm

Scott

hell no

9:59pm

Mary

i could never give head to some guy i was hooking up with id feel dirty as hell

10:00pm

Scott

yeah i dont think i could ever give head to a guy either

10:00pm

Mary

hahaha

10:00pm

Scott

i have to shit

but im taking the comp with me

10:00pm

Mary

hahahh omg scott youre ridiculous

10:01pm

Scott

what

10:01pm

Mary

haha bet you look cool in the stall with your computer

10:01pm

Scott

yeah people always think im looking at porn or somehting

10:01pm

Mary

glad to know im so important to you that you cant leave your computer

hahaha

you probably are

CLOWN PORN

10:02pm

Scott

no i dont actually

10:02pm

Mary

ty never let me watch it with you

10:02pm

Scott

hahahahahaha

goddammit

10:02pm

Mary

hes mean

i wanted to watch the clown porn

10:02pm

Scott

we will over the summer

10:02pm

Mary

we have to

10:02pm

Scott

yeah

10:02pm

Mary

when tys gone

bc he'll get mad

10:02pm

Scott

oh please

10:03pm

Mary

hes probably just afraid that he wont match up to the skills of the clown

10:03pm

Scott

yeah thats it

but seriously i bring my computer to the toilet because i get bored

like as entertaining as hearing shit hit water is i dont think its enough

10:04pm

Mary

hahah that sounds really fun

i mean who wouldnt have a great time doing that

10:04pm

Scott

bingo

10:04pm

Mary

what if jms in there

youwont want to stay long

10:05pm

Scott

oo

theres a curveball

10:05pm

Mary

whatchu gonna do now

shit outta luck

10:06pm

Scott

nice pun

10:06pm

Mary

thanks

it was intentional

10:06pm

Scott

im gonna wipe real quck hold on

10:06pm

Mary

thanks for letting me know

10:07pm

Scott

anytime

im gonna end this conversation unfortunately for you

i gotta start studying

10:07pm

Mary

im crying now

10:08pm

Scott

we'll make it up with a hj sesh

10:08pm

Mary

thank god

that makes me feel better

nothin cheers me up like a good hj

10:08pm

Scott

it makes me feel more better trust me

10:08pm

Mary

ok good

10:08pm

Scott

ok bye

10:09pm

Mary

well enjoy the pursuit of your education scotty

10:09pm

Scott

yessir

10:09pm

Mary

im sure you will be very productive

10:09pm

Scott

duhh

10:09pm

Mary

aight adioss

10:09pm

Scott

cya